Together
by fromexilewithlove
Summary: Taking my first crack at fan fiction with some Rowdy 3 angst!


Martin was outlined by the city lights shining through the window, keeping watch while the others slept in the darkest hours before the dawn. A month out after escaping from Blackwing for the second time and from batshit Wendimoor for what he tried not to think of as "the first time", the Rowdy 3 had landed on the second story of a cheap motel room in Sedona, Arizona.

He breathed out cigarette smoke in a sigh when he felt Amanda wake up. Almost every night, she woke up at least once in an unsettling burst of silent fear and panic. On nights when Martin kept watch, though, she barely slept at all–catnapping, and each doze ending with the jolt of fear that set his teeth on edge. It was driving him crazy–he would have been glad to take the fear from her, but it always dissipated within 15 or 30 seconds.

He could feel her watching him, and rumbled gently without turning around, "Nothin' bad is gonna happen, Drummer. Go back to sleep."

The room had two double beds, but Amanda and the other three Rowdies had all piled tightly together onto one. She carefully extricated herself from the others and pulled a sheet off of the second bed to wrap herself in, settling herself on the floor next to him and laying her head on his knee. How she managed to slip out of the dogpile without ever waking the others up was a marvel to him. His hand twitched in a struggle for self control; he wanted so much to bury a hand in her hair. Instead, he took another drag and asked coolly,"Somethin' on your mind?"

The rush of despair and hurt from her took him by surprise, but not as much as the words she managed to choke out semi-calmly, "I heard what you said to Vogel. Sound travels in the desert."

Shit. It only took an instant for the pieces to click together for him, and he understood why she wasn't sleeping.

Martin, Cross, and Gripps had been starved by Blackwing and all of their limits had been tested by the bewildering trip to Wendimoor, so the first order of business after their escape was finding enough food to recharge them. Amanda had brilliantly led them to Las Vegas for two weeks of wild, rampaging, glorious freedom.

Lots of energy in Vegas. Plenty of bad people to fuck up. Easy for even the Rowdies to blend in. They were all drunk with it, lost in the joy of being together again–Martin included. It felt so good to not be hungry anymore. So good to be together. So good to watch Gripps win on every slot machine he tried, and Vogel pretend to win on every slot machine he tried.

Eventually, though, it was time to move on–and Martin began to process everything that had happened over the past year. He had failed to protect them all, but he couldn't square in his head how many times Amanda's life had been put in danger since meeting the Rowdies. He began to distance himself and consider the possibility that she would be better off without them.

Two days after Vegas, they stopped at an RV Park for the night and she volunteered to go get some snacks and water from the office. Vogel was telling them all about a security guard that had challenged him and Amanda while they were on the run, and Martin interrupted him once Amanda was out of sight to broach the subject, "That sounds like it coulda gone very wrong with just the two of you. I didn't send you with her to take stupid risks; I intended you to protect her."

Vogel stared back as if Martin had slapped him, "But…she's okay. And…and we found you. Everything is good now!"

"Everything is not good now," Martin replied evenly, "We need to start thinkin' about what's best for her, " he glanced at Cross and Gripps, who were also looking stricken, and continued, "…And what's best for her might be staying the hell away from the Rowdy 3."

The silence stretched between them, but the conversation didn't continue because Amanda returned with the water, and she went with the others who opted to go straight to bed. In hindsight, he realized that her inability to sleep had started on that night.

He returned his focus to her, trying to keep his tone light, "So that's why you haven't been able to sleep? Afraid I'd pack 'em up and leave you without saying goodbye?"

The surge of anger that pushed through her other emotions at his attempt to downplay her pain made him feel ashamed of himself, "Am I wrong about that?"

"…No," he finally admitted in a whisper, agonized and letting it creep into his voice.

She swallowed uncertainly, voice shaking,"Do the others agree with you? That I don't belong with you?"

"No," he answered her honestly, and continued hoarsely, "But, Manda…staying with us is going to get you nowhere. You could end up dead, or in a cage…I can't bear that."

"Why not? If I can bear it, you can bear it," her anger was ascendant now, "What do you think it was like for me and Vogel knowing that Blackwing had the rest of you these past few months? We never gave up because we knew that we belong together,"her eyes flashed at him as she added, "Besides, I was already in a cage."

"What?!" he demanded, startled into anger,"What are you talking about?"

"Seriously?" she eyed him and shook her head in disbelief at his inability to understand, "How long do you think it had been since I'd left the house before going to the grocery store that time I caught on fire? How many people do you think I had visiting me other than Todd, or treating me like anything other than a fragile freak with no real life ahead of me?"

Once the first sob choked out, tears began flooding down her cheeks, "You found me and brought me out of that cage. And I love you. I love Cross. I love Vogel. I love Gripps. I thought you loved me,"her voice died and she turned away from him, in a futile effort to hide her weeping.

The others had long since woken up, and were radiating nonverbal expressions that clearly communicated the range between eye rolling, "Duh, and "Stop being an ass, Martin." He blinked at them in a moment of clarity, not used to being the last one in the know.

He had been the first one to find her. Gripps had been the first one to realize her significance (he had the sense to try and keep her courtship brick as a keepsake, for heaven's sake). Cross had been the first one to make promises to her. Vogel had been the first one to trust her.

They belonged together.

#Rowdy3 #Rowdy 3 #DirkGently #AmandaBrotzman #Martin #Cross #Vogel #Gripps

#Angst #NeverthoughtIwouldfallinlovewithsomeoneelsesworld #firstfanfiction


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